When I was in...

Get used to it, you're going to hear it ALOT!

Home time

After staying on to do the Advanced diving, I only had two days in Bangkok- not something I was too worried about as I had a pretty good feel for Asian cities by now.

I don't know why, but Manila, Kuala Lumpur and Bangkok are seemingly interchangeable. There seems to be no obvious differences between them in the way there are obvious differences between say Rome and London.

I'm sure that's a huge generalisation, but it's my justification for effectively missing Bangkok off my itinerary. So shut your face.

Anyway, I caught the ferry back from Koh Tao to Chumphon and then a train up to Bangkok, which seemed to cater exclusively for travellers.

I did make friends with one of the locals though.

The ferry deposited me in Chumphon at about 6pm and the train didn't leave until 12.30am. Oh the joys of backpacking.

I did treat myself to a first class sleeper cabin though - I was determined to travel in style for this final leg!

We arrived in Bangkok the following morning at about 8.30am.

I'd reserved two nights at a five-star hotel in keeping with my desire to finish off in style, and the first thing I did was run myself a big, fat, bubbly bath. Heaven!

I had planned on using the one day I had in Bangkok to go and see what sights I could, but when I woke up it was pissing with rain.

The rubbish weather did mean though, that after a gentle afternoon's steam and sauna, I was able to settle into my arm chair, open a bottle of New Zealand white, read my book and listen to England destroy the Australians at Lords.

Does life get much better?

And then, suddenly, my bags were packed for the final time.

I'm now sat in the hotel bar, waiting for my taxi to the airport and the last leg of an incredible journey.

I'll be home soon and can't wait to see you all.

The last hurrah

Well so much for civilisation. As you can probably tell from the last boring entry, I was bored in Krabi!

With only 12 days to go before I flew home to England, I had a choice. While away my few remaining days in a hammock getting fat on sun-downers or pull myself together and go for one last burst of adventurous spirit and learn to dive.

I had to get a minibus from Krabi up to Chumphon from where I was going to catch the high-speed ferry to Koh Tao. The rickety pier didn't inspire confidence,

but the sight of the tiny island of Koh Tao hoving into view two hours later was a delight - my final meaningful destination, on a beautiful day, and home in less than two weeks. Amazing.

Unfortunately my hotel rained on my parade, having promised me a pick-up at the pier. I'd told them which ferry I was arriving on, but the ferry was half an hour late. Instead of waiting for the ferry to turn up, when it didn't show the driver just left. Dick.

Taxis don't really exist on Koh Tao, it's just fellas with SUVs. You sling you backpack into the bay and away you go.

As I arrived at Sairee Village, I had the distinct feeling that I was a bit too old for this type of Thai resort. The average age cannot, literally, have been more than 18 or 19. This was true gap year territory.

I couldn't help thinking as I walked around the Ibiza-esque style town how easy travelling here, Koh Phi Phi, Koh Pangan and Koh Samui is. This lot should try The Philippines or Japan!

Don't get me wrong, I was grateful for the opportunity to eat Aussie steaks, buy English papers, and be able to communicate with shopowners and waiters. But this was too easy. It was just like Tenerife or Ibiza.

How far I'd come from the timid scaredy cat who didn't eat for three days in Buenos Aires!

Sairee beach wasn't great, given over as it, and most of the island, is to dive boats belching oil slicks which made beach swimming a little nasty.

I had a nice little bungalow though,

with a lovely hammock. Just as I'd imagined Thailand should be!

After a day of hammock swinging - there's no need to rush these things - I booked myself on to an Open Water Diver course. And boy am I glad I did.

I was nervous about it, I admit. For a start I had 20 kilos (conservatively!) and nearly 20 years on most of the instructors, let alone my fellow students. I smoke and drink too much and was worried about how fit you need to be to scuba. Fortunately, PADI says the key to diving is "not to over-exert yourself".

Sold. Sign me up.

The next morning (at 6am - damn these early starts!) I lined up at the school with my little text book to watch a load of training videos and splash about in the pool, learn to empty my mask underwater and breath through a regulator. Not very exciting. So far, so so.

But the next day, with the first sea dive, everything changed. I think my first words as we surfaced were "That was effing amazing!"

The next week was spent in a cycle of studying,

driving round the island to various launch sites,

and loading tanks and gear onto various dive boats.

There are 44 diving schools on Koh Tao, so it makes for some pretty crowded dive sites when the weather is a bit dodgy.

But when you got into the water, everything changed. As your head sinks below the surface, all the people disappear and the noise diminishes to the gentle bubbling of your regulator. It's magical.

I was in a mercifully small group of just three. Some schools will take between 8 and 10 students out, but I'd been advised to avoid these places.

It made the whole experience so much more enjoyable, and it's hard enough trying to learn from an instructor with only hand signals to communicate with let alone another 8 people bumping and kicking you.

When you surface, the chaos returns and what seemed weightless in the water suddenly weighs alot more. Particularly as you're knackered and try and climb your way out of the water into the boat.

But everyone is always in good spirits after a dive, comparing notes on what they've seen, what skills they've mastered. It was great fun.

I loved it so much, I stayed on another few days to do the Advanced Open Water course. It meant sacrificing time in Bangkok, but this was way to good an opportunity to regret taking.

After mastering the basics in Open Water, in the Advanced course you have to do five more dives devoted to particular skills. Mine were search and recovery, so if anyone loses an outboard overboard, I'm your man; navigation; peak performance bouancy, where you learn to float on your head and swim through hoops using your breath; a night dive; and a deep dive.

The night dive was terrifying, but the deep dive was the most fun. Descending to 30m, it was the first time I looked down and couldn't see the bottom.

We learnt about the effects of nitrogen narcosis and the way colours change the deeper you go. This fish is actually a Nemo fish and would be bright orange. But because we're at 30m the red light is filtered out and so he appears muddy brown.

He's still cute though.

After doing the little navigation skills test I had to do - basically using a compass underwater and finding your way round some formations, nothing too tricky - we had a bit of time and air left so detoured off to a cave system.

It was pretty scary, but we saw some of the most amazing wildlife of my whole time in Koh Tao.

This is a sting ray lurking under an overhang.

And then it was just a succession of amazingly colourful creatures, to weird to name. I had no idea what they were, well aside from coral, anemone etc, but they were stunning to see.

I'm not sure if scuba is a hobby I will be able to afford to maintain - I would love to be able to dive when I get to Australia - but if I never do it again my time on Koh Tao is a memory I will treasure forever.

Town of the apes

After three weeks on islands, I was ready for a bit of civilisation. If you can call Krabi civilisation - anywhere monkey men carry the traffic lights is a bit suspect in my mind!

That's a bit harsh, Krabi is just a typical Thai town - scruffy and chaotically vibrant. Like everywhere I've been since Singapore there's a faint odour of sewers everywhere, but the town itself is perfectly pleasant if very tourist focussed and it's a great hub for heading off for the various parts of southern Thailand.

The town nestles on a river and is very picturesque, so I busied myself trying to take arty photos of the 'sea gypsys' who lived on the opposite bank.

One evening there was a spectacular storm on the horizon - it's pretty hard to photograph lightning on a little point and press, but on the fiftieth attempt I got lucky.

The food in Krabi was superb, particularly the seafood. One evening I went to a recommended seafood restaurant and gorged myself fo the princely sum of one pound fifty.

The garlic and chili fish was probably the hottest thing I have ever eaten though.

And that was about it for Krabi. I was there for three nights, using the internet to listen to the start of the first Ashes test, getting laundry done and planning my next move. I was unsure about where to go next - whether to go to Phanga Nga Bay, where The ManWith The Golden Gun was shot, or press on to Koh Samui and Koh Tao.

In the end my mind was made up for me, when I accepted an offer of work at Emap for the end of July. I confirmed my flight a bit earlier than I'd originally planned and realised if I wanted to get some diving in I was going to have to miss Bond Bay. A real shame, but Krabi has some cool rock formations of its own, so I wasn't too upset.

Going home was now very real. I was desperate for friends, family and familiarity, but the shock of not living this lifestyle was going to be huge and I was worried how I'd cope.

Hopefully with the calm of these Buddhist monks who strolled past me at dawn on the morning I left for Koh Tao.

A bit of Thai stick

Another ferry, sadly minus inappropriate movies, deposited me on another beautifully deserted island paradise - Koh Lanta, in Thailand.

It seems the west coast of the Thai and Malaysian peninsular are currently in low season, but as far as I could tell the weather was perfect and the only downside that everything was deserted. What a shame!

I checked into a little bungalow about five minutes walk from the beach. Again, like Langkawi, it was cheap as chips - only eight pounds a night, I think. With a free swing thrown in.

The place was run by Elsa, a Belgian diving instructor who'd 'retired' to Koh Lanta to run the resort with her (girl)friend. As well as keeping the place spotlessly clean, she served up delicious pastries and coffee for breakfast - a little taste of Europe which was most welcome.

And the little restaurant/chill-out lounge always had a few people hanging around in the evenings who were happy to chat, share a beer and swap travelling tails.

It was a delightful experience all in all, with the exception of the Pepe episode. It's all a bit embarassing really. But here goes.

On my first night, I was sat in the restaurant having some dinner, a glass of red wine (European wine. Bliss. It was my first glass of decent wine for months) and reading my book. I wanted to get some cigarettes and Elsa told me there was a 7/11 about a kilometer up the road.

I was going to walk, but a tall, kindly Thai guy called Pepe offered to take me on his scooter. He was very camp and obviously gay, but I didn't fancy the walk and I've never felt uncomfortable with gay men. Off we went, I got my fags and went to bed.

The next morning Pepe was at my bungalow door offering to show me around the island. Well I had no plans for that day (or any other in fact) besides swinging on my swing and reading, so was happy to play along. Even if I felt very English about the fact he'd turned up uninvited.

I rented a scooter from Elsa and Pepe and I set off along Koh Lanta's only real road. He took me on a great little tour, showing me some off-the-beaten-track beaches and where the tsunami had struck.

He showed me where he planned to buy a bar on the beach and restore it for the high season.

All in all I was having a lovely time, until he suggested we try the nudist beach. Weird, but many people use them. No thanks, Pepe.

Next stop was a five-star resort he used to work in, which was to all intents and purposes empty at that time of year. We rode down through the resort to make use of their private beach.

Just a few yards back from the beach was one of the resort's most expensive bungalows with its own pool. I asked Pepe if it was OK to swim in it and he said sure. So we jumped in and mooched about for 10 minutes. Well I mooched and he decided to ask if my 'collar and cuffs' matched. Well he was a bit more direct than that, but I politely declined, saying only my girlfriend knew that.

It was all a bit weird, but I'm supposedly a London metrosexual media liberal. I could handle this, I'm comfortable in my own sexuality and with his. I've worked with, known and been friends with plenty of gay men. None, however, who were quite as direct, even a little aggresive, as Pepe.

He kept insisting I show him. I guess I should have been flattered, but I wasn't, it made me uncomfortable. He knew I was staight and I'd turned him down two or three times.

I got back on my scooter and went back to my bungalow.

Pepe's attitude the next day was a bit different. He was making comments about how fat I was and generally amusing himself by insulting me. In the end, I lost patience with him and told him to 'eff off'.

He looked a little shocked and I didn't see him much after that. Which was a relief as he'd really ruined my Thailand 'vibe'.

I replaced his company with the local stray, but even he didn't seem that keen to talk to me.

I stayed at Koh Lanta a few more days, talking to Elsa and other locals and discovering that they too were infuriated with Pepe and his refusal to accept all men are not gay if only given the right circumstances.

Still, it kept me off the nuts.